Ok..it's not a baby turtle! But I did see my baby today!!
oooh..it's been a long day, but very worth it. Eric was up at 2am this morning. I don't know why, but he was wide awake. I tried to get him to lay down and go to sleep with me, but by 4am, I was done with him and but him back in bed, much to his dismay. He also wasn't too thrilled when I woke him up at a quarter to 8am to head out the door. "Night-night! Night-night!" Yeah right kid - get up!
We got to the hospital early, which was good, because it took me 30 minutes to find a parking spot. I was quite frazzled when all the places that we normally park in were full. I had no idea where else to go. I managed to find a place behind the hospital for "expectant mothers" which was wonderful, because it was right where I needed to be at. I was given a book of papers to fill out and was called in to see the nurse before I ever finished. Things were moving right along. We covered all the history of my forefathers and all that jazz they make you suffer through. She asked if there had been any complications with Eric's birth, and I said, "YEAH...He was 10 pounds and his collarbone broke!" I didn't expect anybody to pay any attention to me (since they didn't the FIRST time around) but I knew I was going to be seeing Dr. Jackson, and I was warming up for my fight.
There was only ONE doctor I did NOT want to see and that was Dr. Jackson. When we first met Dr. Jackson, we adored him. Thought he was great. Later in the pregnancy, I found him to be sarcastic, rude, and arrogant. And most of all, he didn't listen when I said the baby was too big and needed to be taken out. Two years later, I could tell that was something I was still very angry about, especially since I felt both I and Eric had been put at risk because of the vaginal birth. And I did NOT under ANY circumstances want to go through anything like that again. And I certainly did not want to be put with a doctor who was not going to listen to me and if they were going to insist that he be the doctor I see then I was ready to fight. Not today necessarily. I was prepared to see him this ONCE and then let the front desk know never to schedule me with him again.
The nurse put in for my blood work (as this was appointment 1). I had over an hour before being able to see Dr. Jackson, so I went and had the labs done and let Eric run around for a bit. I could tell he was getting tired of being there by this point, and the most important part of the whole day was coming up! I didn't know what to expect, so I just decided to roll with it today unless they refused an ultrasound at which point I planned to throw a fit.
I was taken back immediately to an ultrasound room! Nice! Dr. Jackson met me and was quiet, kind, and gentle. I introduced him to Eric and reminded him that this was child he had delivered. He had read the report the nurse had written and asked about his size. He kept asking me if they (the doctors) had been "surprised". I told him yes. I wanted to say, "But you shouldn't have been, because I kept TELLING YOU!!!!!!!!!" He was concerned that Eric's birth had gone the way it did and he said, "There's a 25% chance that this pregnancy will be the same. When this happens, we recommend a C-section". I was stunned. NO fight? My eyes lit up, "Really? Really?" He was taking me seriously this time. And I didn't even have to say anything! He told me giving birth to a child that large was very risky. I felt an immediate wave of relief. And I realized then how terrified I was to have to go through that again. I confessed that Eric's birth had been a bit traumatic for me and I never wanted to have another baby. He was very understanding.
He did the pap smear and the breast exam and then he immediately moved to the ultrasound. I have been so consumed by the desire to know that everything is ok, that it's all I could focus on. I was going on and on about the cyst and the sub-chorionic bleed. He was listening and telling me he would check on everything. I forgot for a moment that the ultrasound was for seeing the baby. So while I searched for cysts and bleeds, it took me by surprise to see a baby on the screen. The head, the big belly and the arms and legs kicking. I stopped mid-sentence and started to cry. I had a baby. A healthy baby kicking around. I wanted John to be able to be there to see it too. It never ceases to be amazing. I wish I could have sat there and watched it all day. I always feel that way, I guess! :) But this was a diagnostic ultrasound, only meant for measuring. And the baby measured in at 14 weeks - right on schedule! He showed me the two legs and I didn't understand at first why he was showing me the legs until he said, "And there's between the legs - but I can't see anything yet." And I knew it was too early for that, but it was sweet of him to try and point it out anyways. If this had been Eric's ultrasound, I would have been studying the ultrasound like crazy trying to see SOMETHING - but I just smiled and was content not to know for the time being. It was enough to see the baby. The bleed was gone and he couldn't find the cyst. I was so relieved. He told me to get dressed and meet him in his office. We had a lot to talk about.
He was very patient with Eric's screaming fits by this point. I was doing my best to keep him calm while talking to Dr. Jackson. We discussed the C-section option further. I asked if it was something I HAD to do and he said no but that he would strongly recommend it considering the history. And once he found out about the muscles in Eric's neck not working correctly at birth, it further confirmed to him that a C-section was the way to go. He asked how many children we were going to have and my eyes lit up as I realized where he was going with that. I said, "This is our last one!" and before i could say another word, he said, "we can do the C-section and the tubal all at once!" This doctor was so in-sync with me today. He seemed excited about tracking this pregnancy (which i still find a bit unusual) and he made my next appointment in Baumholder (I had to travel 40 minutes to Landstuhl hospital) where he will come to me. He was ready to call and set up the next ultrasound for shortly after he would be seeing me (in 4 weeks). I asked if I could wait on the ultrasound just a few more weeks until I was far enough along to determine the sex. He was so open to that and said he would hold off on the consult until I saw him again. Not only will I be getting an ultrasound, but it will be with a 3D/4D machine, so I will get a good look at the baby. I didn't want to do that with Eric, but I do with this one. We actually had one done with Eric, but it was when he was about 34 weeks along and so big, he was too squished to see. The only thing we got a good look at was his little pudgy hands and the dimples where his knuckles belong. To this day, his hands are one of my favorite things about him, because they remind me of getting to see him clearly that first time on screen. And even 2 years later, they are still pudgy and dimpled like on the ultrasound.
In a 30 minute session, my fears about labor and delivery, permanent birth control, and the safety of the baby were all calmed. Dr. Jackson even looked at his calendar to make sure he would be there to deliver the baby! I feel so joyful and so relaxed. The pregnancy has been easy and I know delivery will be too. I love the thought of skipping labor and knowing the due date. Now I KNOW all you women out there that have had C-sections are shaking your heads!!! And I understand that this is major surgery and I will be hurting afterwards. However, with a vaginal delivery, I was hurting for HOURS before, and weeks later.....I will be hurting regardless. The difference is, I get to skip 2/3 of the pain AND I get pain killers! I wasn't given any pain killers after a vaginal delivery, and man - those women need some FOR REAL!
Sooooo...it looks like this will be a scheduled C-section and tubal. :) Which I could not be happier about. And...despite all my anger about how things went with the first pregnancy, Dr Jackson is doing a great job of listening , being understanding, and taking all the precautions I wish he had taken the first time. Things could not have gone any better today. I saw my precious baby and feel like I am starting to bond with it for the first time - now that I know all is well. I will try to scan the ultrasound in, though it's not a good picture. The next one will be much better!
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