Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm highly emotional, so it might surprise some of you that I actually think nearly as much as I feel. Okay. I'm overly-emotional AND I over think things. Especially when I'm alone and have down time. What do I think about? One of two things: The future or YOU! Yes, you the people reading and every person I've ever known in my life.
In a previous post I mentioned crying over the future. I thought about that a lot later that day and I realized something strange about myself. Many people cry over the past or the present. I cry about the future. Is that super weird? I know it is. You don't have to answer that. So I sat and psycho-analyzed myself (I do that too). What is the point of crying over the future? Here's what I came up with. I am a worst case scenario gal. I just want to be prepared. I have an active imagination and I believe that I create my future with the decisions I make today, so I have to always be looking ahead or I'll make the wrong decisions. Put that ALL together, and crying is just my way of being prepared for the worst. I have cried over deaths that have never happened, cheatings that have never happened, devastation that has never happened - you name it. A lot of it are things that WILL happen - some are just my silly imagination. I was devastated when John joined the army. I cried and cried and cried. I was a basketcase at work. Everyone I knew thought I was going to be in big trouble when it came to being a supportive army wife, and yet when the actual day came, I dried up my tears and got to work doing what needed to be done. I did that at deployment too. Spent weeks crying and telling John I didn't want him to go, and the day he left, I stopped crying and got on with life. So, just know, my faithful readers, that I'm not nearly as lost as you might think - just prepared! Hehehehe!
Today is a different "thinking day" though. It's the latter kind. Where I sit and contemplate all the different relationships I've been blessed with. It makes me nostalgic. Makes me miss a lot of people. I wonder where people are, what they're doing, if they're happy, if they miss me too. I wish that I could live in a community with all the people I've ever known and loved. Facebook has been really good for that. I'm super grateful for having some form of contact, but even with Facebook, it only takes a song, a sweet thought, a mention of the past to have me back in time. Which would be fine, except it creates that longing to see people again. People I may never see again. It doesn't make me cry (haha! You thought it would!) but it makes me a bit heartsick. I really do love all the people in my life. I think that comes with being introverted. I prefer a few really close friends as opposed to tons of acquaintances. Friendship means a whole lot to me.
So to all of you out there, interested in what I am thinking about today - it is you. It ought to be Hannah Clark - it's her turn on the FB list! I really need to get back on that!!
Katie - if you are reading - I am glad you are keeping up with me here and I'm super glad you left a comment to let me know you were reading and I miss chatting with you girl! I hope all is well and that you are enjoying your summer!! You can write me at justcharitysue(at)hotmail.com if you are so inclined.
Thanks for reading my random, bumbling thoughts!