Friday, July 23, 2010

And the Bottom Drops Out....

Eric is better - 100% I believe.  And it's a good thing too, since we had to deal with the news that John's full time position was given to someone else before he could fill out the paperwork.  He was given another full time position - 4 night shifts, then 4 days off.  There's no chance for him to get overtime, which now cuts our salary in half.  No more house hunting.  No more birthday planning.  Vacation days won't be an option nearly as often since he plans on trying to get hired in another county and working on those days off to make up the difference we are losing in salary.  I am so disheartened.  John works SO hard.  He always has.  Why can't he catch a break?  Why is he treated so poorly everywhere he works?  Overworked and underpaid and no closer to his dream of becoming a nurse.  He's put his time in.  When does it pay off?  It's weighs heavy on my heart that the kids and I partially stand in his way of achieving his dreams.  If he didn't have us to worry about, he could easily finish school.  He could be anything he wanted to be.  But he puts us first and works hard to make sure we are provided for.  I've tried concocting plans that would alleviate that stress from him, but I don't have the money-making potential he has and if I do go to work and put the kids in the care of someone else, that will eat up my whole paycheck.  I don't know what to do.  I don't where else to go to look for jobs.  He needs a job where he can work nights or flexible hours enough to go to school.  A job that would pay him to go to school while allowing him to maintain his job would be tops.  Me, being able to get at least a part time position as a transcriber at home would help.  I am so discouraged and so tired of watching John wear himself out.  I want so badly for the skies to open up and for every blessing to fall on him.  I want him to be happy so bad.  I feel so heartbroken and helpless to make a difference.

I know God is taking care of us.  And I trust Him to do what is best.  We are so blessed it's a sin to complain.  I'm just finding God's timing difficult to deal with.  It seems like we run and run and run to get ahead, but we're stuck in the same place.  I guess we're slow learners and not mastering the lessons He is teaching.  Please pray that we keep God first, and that we accept and do His will gladly.  It's not easy right now.  I want Him to change everything.  Come to think of it.....I was here over 4 years ago.  Crying and crying about wanting a baby.  Fearful I would never have one.  I went to a Wednesday night class where something stuck out to me.  "We need to learn to wait on God and stop waiting on things from God."  I found out I was pregnant days after taking that lesson to heart.  I think it's time for me to relearn that lesson.  God is faithful.  

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